_COLLECTIVE UNCONSCIOUS_

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2007-03-23T10:38:00.000-05:00

Blame Facebook

Grump

2007-02-05T13:04:00.000-06:00

My nerves are all a flutter.
While that sounds quite dainty, it is simply a symptom of my inability to cope with something. I say "something" not because I don't know what is making me so unsettled, but because I have several reasons to feel that way and I can't tell which reason is the ringleader. How many times have I felt this way over "something" that resolves itself before I can even manage to deal with my issues about it? I think dozens. How could "something" that was so recently "nothing" take my mind so easily? With my consent only. My ringleader is only one of my problems, however, and I think another could emerge from the fray to replace my antithesis. This is likely not about "something", but about how many "nothing"s I continue to ignore.
I had maintained a ceasefire with my insecurities for quite a while, but I am reminded that they never truly find peace, and in doing so keep me from mine. I could blame my genetics for these tendencies in my behaviour, but I am always in control of how I feel. From that springs another, perhaps rhetorical, question: Why on earth would I want to feel this way?

First I tried Japanese

2006-09-27T09:29:00.000-05:00

Then I realized that I could learn another language, while still being saddled with a brain firmly entrenched in englishness. This time its actually coming along fairly well. I'm having a little trouble with the grammer though.
"ASL complicated language is"

Everything hurts

2006-09-18T10:48:00.000-05:00

We had a blast on the weekend. My wife and I, my mother-in-law and father-in-law, went to the CN Rail Family Day, and volounteered.
It was fun, like getting to be a "carnie'" for a short period of time. There was games and blow up castles and a petting zoo and face painting and a magic show and all the stuff you'd find at a fair. I got to run the ring toss for a shift, and damn, I've never dissapointed so many children in such a short period of time!
Before and after was some good hard work though. Hauling supplies and equipment in the truck and moving those barrel shaped highway cones back and forth was more like working with bales of hay if it wasn't for the smell. However, now I remember what its like to push your body too far. Oh how it gets it's revenge.

Ick.

2006-09-13T09:47:00.000-05:00

I don't know how long its been since I was last inflicted with a real head cold. I know that the last time I did have one, I wasn't taken care of the way I am now. I mean, my Mom taking care of me is nice, don't get me wrong; but I never expected to be coddled by my Wife. Certainly a pleasant surprise, yet I feel somewhat guilty for it. Oh well... more decongestant over here please!

Storytelling

2006-09-11T09:45:00.000-05:00

Doesn't it feel great to pick up a book you've never even looked at before, and suddenly find yourself tearing through the pages and devouring every word? I have to recommend this one, and I've never read anything by this author before. Look it up.

Part of Me

2006-08-28T09:06:00.000-05:00

I will always miss Quebec City,

but a little bit of it came home with me when I left.

I feel complete now.

Foresight

2006-02-07T15:04:00.000-06:00

Is it wrong that I have not yet found a way to determine what I want to become? It seems such a simple process for others, but is a source of mystery for me. What is in my future? I suppose there is still no answer, even after so many asking that same question. I, however, have no time to ponder my options. I know I must make the decision soon, or loose the opportunity to right past wrongs.

No more aural

2006-01-30T11:55:00.000-06:00

I just discovered that in order to do an audio post to my blog, I paid like $3.50 - $4 in long distance fees. I didn't realize that I was calling CALIFORNIA! Good thing I didn't actually have much to say right? So perhaps I stick with the typing. Assuming of course that I do have something to type. I've got a little headway on my new years resolution: I am now doing 30 min. of Squash, then 15 min. of weights, then I go sit in the sauna for however long it takes for me to cook through. Soon it will be twice a week, and then I'll start increasing the times. Except for the cooking.

Maybe not...

2006-01-27T13:05:00.000-06:00

My Nature?

2006-01-26T13:31:00.000-06:00

Ha! My Nurture! Or whats left of it after fourteen years of processing through the school system. Thats not to say that I agree with homeschooling or something, I am going to marry a teacher right?
Nature vs Nurture. Its all about blaming others for your own wrong decisions. Nature is "human nature" or the traits you inherited from others, ie: blaming someone else. Nurture, a more direct path, is "I was taught it was okay" or society's apathy has allowed those choices, ie: blaming someone else. Everyone complains that we need an "accountable" government, but why would the most powerfull group of people in a country subject itself to something that the average joe wouldn't do. Self accountability is a lost art, and I can't find anyone to teach it to me. .. hurmph...

Don Quixote the Second

2006-01-23T10:16:00.000-06:00

I feel very much as if I have been tilting at windmills of late. With no cause for such actions, they loose their inspirational nature quite quickly. A blind rush forward, only to be rewarded with the low "thunk" of contact with what is definitely not a giant. But I cannot sit and contemplate my rash actions, lest the great fan of the mill turn and blow me from my mount. I must concentrate on the forward motion, and allow for the giants of my quest to come to my challenge. But it still begs the question: Why do I find such comfort in analogies?

Re-emergence

2006-01-21T23:12:00.000-06:00

Well, I suppose now is as good a time as any. Here I am, chop-sticks in hand (spooling left-over fried noodles into my face), on the day that my grandfather turns 90. It makes me reflective. I've got it gooood, and I know it. As my grandfather would put it, "we are richly blessed!". Rich in heart and in hand, both; but blessed, I wonder? Considering most of my highly dubious choices in the past, and a recently realized fear of organized faith, I doubt a blessing would be in order. But such a statement brings too many issues to bear at this late hour. I begin to contemplate my role models. Also, likely too heavy a note to carry. In stead I shall swing the topic wildly across the field of thought, and express my desires. In specific, my desires for my upcomming "batchelor" party. Though these conditions are in no way absolute, this will be MY batchelor party and hence will occur to make ME happy, if my assumption is correct. Therefore the further the end result is from these requirements the less happy I will be.

There will be Poker involved.
It will not take place at a strip club or other dancing establishment.
It will be a private event. (either by being in a rented room/suite or something, or by being the only event taking place where ever it is)
I will likely drink profusely, but I will not take any drugs. Others may be on drugs while in attendance, but no drugs may be present at the event.
I would like all important members of the male gender, in my life, to be at the event. Yes, that includes both the father and father in-law for at least a small segment of time.
I must not encounter any law enforcement officers.
There must be adequate bathroom breaks.
I must have at least a week and a half to recover before the wedding.
Criticisms of behavior will not be accepted.

Beyond that, you're just getting creative. That is all.

END

We find you...

2005-12-08T12:02:00.000-06:00

GUILTY.
Ok, so there's a punishment for being absent for so long, but I'll inflict it on my-self; thank you very much.

Control

2005-10-06T11:46:00.000-05:00

Wow, when it comes to the point of not being able to tell between things that are directed at you personally, or if you're just taking things too personally, you need to get your head checked. I suppose I'm due for my regular tune up. I look forward to seeing the world again without rose coloured glasses.

...it works in "Theory"

2005-10-05T12:24:00.000-05:00

Why do I find myself so interested in forms of government that will get me killed? Its like that Brent Butt stand-up comedy line: "This kids' got a t-shirt with the 'Anarchy' symbol on it. How well does he think he'd do in Anarchy? All 90lbs of him? He'd be facing off against some Mad Max biker, and the biker wouldn't be the one ending up as a hood ornament!" When I think of what my political aspirations were in High school (started a Communist party) and where they are now, I cringe. The more I look into government in general, the less I want to be a part of such a catastrophic failure. Yet the options will have me in just as pleasant a situation as previously mentioned. Though I do have adequate survival skills. Don't ask me how I know that.

Old things new again

2005-10-03T23:58:00.000-05:00

I suppose that someday I'll learn: I don't have to leave something I find interesting behind, if I happen to also find something else interesting at the same time. But I suppose we're all aware of just how slow my learning curve is. It affects every aspect of my life and yet I'll forget in the next minute that I can't expect so much of myself, and go about setting myself up for failure once again. It would be aggravating if I didn't know just how easy it is to do. Oh, and as an interesting side note, anyone who hasn't been to (or hasn't been to in a while) Black Creek Pioneer Village in the north Toronto area, should really go. Its real nice this time of the season, and not too busy. Sandra and I went on Sunday, and managed to reverse her opinion of the place, even after two separate childhood traumas involving the Village. It has a certain charm about it, even if you're not particularly enthusiastic at first, it grows on you after a while. Like mould I suppose.
Goodnight.

Special (damaged) people

2005-10-03T11:37:00.000-05:00

I'm having a day when I should've rode the "short bus" to work and aught to be wearing a football helmet. Less because I've nearly injured myself several times this morning, more because I know I need to be active and alert to be making the plans that I need to arrange today. I will attempt my usual and add caffeine and sugar to the mix until the desired consistency is reached.

I like me...

2005-09-30T13:04:00.000-05:00

So I took a vacation for a month. What the hell do you want from me?! If anyone says my soul, you can't have it. I sold it to Rob King in 8th grade for a shareware game and a comic book.

Complaints?!

2005-08-31T21:08:00.000-05:00

Okay, so now I begin to understand what other people have gone through for a while now. Even if you're an early riser, its damn hard to get stuff done around the house or whatever in the morning. Then you're at work all day, and though you may even enjoy it, you're not getting accomplished what you desire most. Finally the evening comes, you're free from work but left with what? You're energy is quite likely sapped from previous activity, and you have many things left to do prior to when your desired activities are feasible. What becomes of your day? A set of actions that gradually drag you away from where you want to end up. You may actually get around to what you want to be doing, even if that thing is nothing; but do you still desire it after discovering all those other things that need doing? Too tired, cyclical thinking.

August

2005-08-30T16:48:00.000-05:00

My sense of time has just gone out the window. I've been trying to get used to the fact that August is almost over. I don't know where the times gone?! I know that my grasp of time management was pretty loose anyway, but I tend not to have any problems with time on a larger scale, like months. Usually I mentally track time buy counting the number of significant actions I have taken since the last time I took measure of my time. Since I try not to do too many important things, in a small period of time (in order to prevent errors); usually there's a requisite amount of time between significant moments in my memory. This allows me to simply think of what I've been up to lately, rather than try to measure out lengths of time in my already garbled brain. Unfortunately, my tactics have failed miserably in this instance, and my sense of what I've been up to in the month of August is remarkably inaccurate. I have some sorting out to do...

Yeah, right...

2005-08-30T08:08:00.000-05:00

Look at this! The second post ever from home, and I managed to do it in the morning! The Morning! Now, I've not only criticised Meag for making it look like thinking in the morning is easy, but I've also mocked that she has time in the morning to do this sort of thing. ... Well, I suppose I'm just a little sheepish.

Queasy

2005-08-29T13:44:00.000-05:00

I don'd feel so goob... Its been hounding me for the last three days, and I just hope its not what Sandra had. The new house is ok as far as cleanliness is concerned, but perhaps not in the environment department. Both Sandra and I always wake up with much dryer eyes than we've ever had before, and we seem to do quite a lot of sneezing while at home. Maybe its just the onset of the end of summer and all the allergic reactions related to the coming of that evil "fall" season. I always had pretty bad allergies as a child, some to foods but mostly nature related symptoms. I know that I haven't had an allergy test in a long time, maybe its in my best interest to look into it again. Or I could just self-medicate like usual and start popping antihistamine pills to see if I feel better. 'Probly not a good idea huh?

Home Sweet Home

2005-08-28T17:29:00.000-05:00

First post from the new house!!! The office is kinda set up, and we can see the floor now that we've cleared away all the old used boxes and cardboard trays and stuff. We're still kinda getting settled into the way we're going to be doing things around here. Such an odd process... Oh, the shelving units that we're getting from the Vidoczy family are coming in this weekend from out of town, so we should get them in sometime this week. Sandra is going to her prep week at Brownridge over the next few days. She's a little nervous. We both have some of the more mundane stuff to get done, like changing addresses officially and figuring out how to access some of the facilities at the condo. That's about it for now, I'll probly be pretty busy this week at work (fingers crossed) but now I can post from home!

Challenged

2005-08-26T13:42:00.000-05:00

Why? What? Huh? There is some reason why I am so apprehensive. Not exited like in waiting for something fun, or well deserved. Just like, expecting something crucial to happen, but I can't think what. I'm not feeling particularly happy about, whatever it is, hanging around the edges of my perception. So I don't think its anything good, like Sandra moving in, or more furniture, or getting the internet at home. But I'm not really dreading that something will happen either. Its not like I have a whole lot to worry about these days anyway. So maybe I'm supposed to make some kind of decision soon, and I don't want to make it. Yeah, maybe that's it. Its good to have a sounding board. Thanks for listening.

Blogger, you suck.

2005-08-25T13:06:00.000-05:00

I just wrote out a nice long post, only to try to republish the blog, and find that fucking blogger had timed out my login. I loose the whole thing. Fuckers...

Then I would cry :(

2005-08-24T16:32:00.000-05:00

Not literally speaking of course. More of a satirical sniffle. But this could only occur if things keep going the way they are: busy at work but still bored; alone at home but still with lots of chores to do; hungry but without any real desire to eat; frustrated by bureaucracies at every turn; and as per usual, unable to sleep. I've been living in a "glass half empty" type mind-set for the last few days. It would be encouraging to see at least a few things go well. I suppose I'm supposed to make my mind over matter at this point right? Take one for my mental team, and bear through to the happier days? I'll see you there.

Thppppt!

2005-08-24T12:18:00.000-05:00

Ouch... I bit the inside of my mouth a couple days ago, and now its all swelled up and painful. However unpleasant it was hearing that, I just want to express what a pain it is now to eat or even talk. Trust me not wanting to talk because your mouth hurts, when you have something you want to say, is highly frustrating.
Last night I sat watching "Dead Like Me" and ironing shirts for like, four hours. I never knew living on my own was so exciting! I can't wait for Sandra to move in. My internet is still missing, so I have to call Bell and pester them with inane questions that they probably don't have the answers to anyway. I'm in such a fricken great mood today eh?

Withdrawl!

2005-08-22T12:00:00.000-05:00

I need internet at home!!! I was only able to set up activation of the net at home on tuesday. Yes, tomorow-tuesday, but I'm still falling behind. I have posts I need to be making here and elsewhere, and emails to catch up with, but can't because its starting to get busy (enough to worry about) here at work. I could always just go next door at home, and use the library computers, but I've never liked using public computers for anything but research. More as soon as humanly possible!

Just a day?!

2005-08-19T12:57:00.000-05:00

All I want is a day off. I don't mean a day off from work, but just a day that's devoid of things that require doing right away. Like if I had just a few orders, and some cleaning to do at work. Then a night where I didn't have to do things with family, where I could just sit around and not worry about planning something. I'm not tired because of work or anything, and my family isn't aggravating me, but I still feel tired. Like I accomplished some big task and now my body thinks it doesn't have to work anymore. Except I didn't get anything spectacular done, and I've got lots of stuff that I still have to do! Grrr.. I have no right to complain: I'm young, right?

Days of Yore

2005-08-18T13:12:00.000-05:00

So this is what it was like. I had forgotten how busy it gets in the back to school season. I won't be posting again, 'probly 'till late tomorow. See you soon!

Time shift

2005-08-16T16:30:00.000-05:00

This morning I woke up at 6:30 for no friggen reason, but I couldn't get back to sleep for all of, like, 45 minutes, so what the hell, I got on with the day. It turns out that I got moving pretty good. Ended up at work at 8:10 and had to wait around 'till Brad & Meag got here to let me in. Now I know how to get in on my own just in case I'm stupid again sometime. But now its starting to hit me. Getting more things done early on means you have less energy left later. Yes, I'm just figuring out this equation now; I've never had to cope with being productive in the morning before. I also now remember that I left my "To-Do" list stuck to the front of my fridge. Crap. There goes any hope of me being productive this evening.

No longer MIA

2005-08-16T11:32:00.000-05:00

Heeee's baaaack!
My father has finally been located somewhere in the Eastern provences of Canada. He was on a trip out to Halifax to see a friend of his when he left on Monday of last week. His original plan was to be back on Wednsday or Thursday of last week, but evidently something about that didn't work out. But we (my grandmother and I) didn't know he wasn't coming back until just didn't show up. Typical Dad... He's staying with his mother, my grandma who is 85, and doesn't even have the presence of mind to call and say "I'll be staying longer". He missed meeting another friend of his that he had arranged to see on Friday. The only way we even got to know that he was coming home was that we word from my aunt in Huntsville. He emailed her saying that he was leaving PEI (??) and catching a bus that should arrive yesterday night or this morning sometime.
It might not seem like much, but this sort of stuff from him really pisses me off. Espetially with my move just over, and my brother's birthday this weekend, and Sandra and I wanted to have my grandma and Dad over for dinner and tea. "Father's" buggering off for an extra 5 days without any way to contact him is not cool. How am I supposed to act in a more adult fashion when the adults I want to interact with arn't behaving that way?

Waking world

2005-08-15T10:09:00.000-05:00

MORNIN' EVERYBODY!!!
Hurumph... Monday mornings suck monkey knuts. I believe I am suffering unduly from a bizarre affliction. When I try to wake up in the morning, I seem to have some form of narcolepsy. Like this morning for example: I can remember waking up to the sound of my alarm, then pulling the covers off, standing up and turning off my alarm. From there it gets a little weird. I think I started walking towards the bathroom, but the next thing I remember is waking up in bed ten minutes later when my alarm started blaring again. I'm beginning to find this sort of thing frightening. That and it makes it impossible to keep my schedule in the mornings. On a different note, I've also become kinda hooked on the tv series "Dead Like Me" http://www.deadlikeme.tv/index.php , which airs on I'm not sure what because I've been watching it on DVD. Really cool show, with very dark humor right around my level.

All on my lonesome

2005-08-11T12:25:00.000-05:00

Sandra's gone again for a while. She's getting run around by her YRDSB workshop, and then has to go back to Kinderschool for a day. Then she's going to Wasaga beach this weekend to a cottage or some place with a couple girlfriends of hers. I'll miss her a bit. I've realized lately that I depend on interaction with others a lot more than I thought. I still score pretty high on the introversion scale, but I suppose I can still swap traits with extroverts. I miss some things from my Mom's house. Like my Mom for example. My brother too, just hanging out swearing at various things that aggrivate us. I like our new condo, but I still can't help feeling a little weird in the place.

Surfers

2005-08-10T11:52:00.000-05:00

Okay, what the hell?! I just deleted a comment on the previous post "Guilty...". It was completely random. It was an anonymous post with a chunk of some article on blogs as a newsform or something, then a guy saying I have a good blog (thanks, but I'd prefer to know who is complementing me) and plugging his own "golf" blog. I don't have anything related to golf on my blog, let alone actually like golf! I don't have a problem with people I don't know reading my blog, but if you're going to post a comment, make it relevant, and say who's commenting. I read other people's blogs who I don't know all the time. It's kinda like people watching. But I don't post comments without saying who I am, or having something worthwhile to add.

Guilty as charged.

2005-08-10T11:49:00.000-05:00

Is it ok that I don't want my grandma to come over for tea tonight? I mean, I invited her and everything, but I just don't feel like I'm up to it. Sandra is getting to come home tonight and I just thought its a bit much right now. We'll need that time for other stuff like dividing up the clothes storage space right? ... Okay, so tea with grandma isn't like tooth extraction or anything, but after going to my Mom's for dinner last night and getting my ear talked off, I just don't feel like it for another night. My Dad gets home tomorrow from Halifax, so maybe we'll just delay it a couple days. Then we can do dinner with my Dad and Grandma, and get two-for-one "family time". Jeez, I sound like such a sleaseball.

Stats

2005-08-09T16:22:00.000-05:00

I've discovered that in the 7 months that I've had this blog I've posted every 3.75 days on average. Now, though that might be an okay number, I'm determined to improve my posting frequency. Though this may result in more short posts during a day, rather than one large lump post per day, I think it may result in more expression on my part. It also may result in more inane blather on my part. Ha! and you people still drift by and read this stuff!

Re/Un-settled

2005-08-09T10:36:00.000-05:00

Is it over yet?! I've finally moved houses. I now have a condo that I'm essentially on my own in until Sandra moves in, which should happen in late August. When she's not around its a little weird for me. I've been on my own before but just for short periods. I'm working on getting my computers squared away at home, but for now my only access online is at work. Sorry co-workers. I'm going to mom's for dinner tonight, and I think it'll be just a little weird too. I still have an entire office full of stuff to unpack but not a whole lot of places to put it. We still have to move more stuff from Sandra's place, and when we do that there'll be a few more peices of furniture to bring in as well. That includes a large set of shelves that will provide much of the storage for the office. The place still looks a little empty; I think because there's nothing on the walls. I'll have to get some finishing nails.

Fear & Impatience

2005-07-27T11:02:00.000-05:00

What do you say if you're looking forward to doing something, but not looking forward to having to do it? Packing up my worldly belongings means being finally able to move out, but quite frankly, packing sucks. I've made lots of other progress though: insurance, condo management, and some of the moving schedule. If anyone is interested in helping, the move will be taking place some on the night of Thursday August 4th, but mostly on Friday August 5th between 8am and 1pm. What we're moving is the bigger stuff, furniture and the like, and whatever boxed household stuff Sandra and I manage to have packed by then. We still haven't picked up the keys or anything yet, because we need the checks ready (which we have) and the tenant insurance in place (which is turning out to be a pain).

Whoopied out...

2005-07-20T15:09:00.000-05:00

Man, I feel so thwacked. Yes, I realize that a person should get more than 6hours sleep a night, but I think there's other contributing factors. I have absolutely got to start packing for the move, but I can procrastinate that really well. My dad is coming home early, which means he'll be home sometime on Friday night. For those of you who don't know, my dad has been teaching English at a college in Oman for two years, and only comes home during the month of August. It just so happens that most of the major stuff happening this year for me is going to be happening in August too. The stuff that I think will have to happen in August is just running out of space. I feel a lot of pressure to do different things for lots of people, but I can only be one guy at a time. I've got to make my own priorities this summer and I'm not facing the task very well. Sandra, you're coping with your stress levels really well, and I'm jealous.

2005-07-18T09:50:00.000-05:00

We finally got a house!!!

WooHoo!!!

Our address will be #808-7440 Bathurst St., Thornhill!

We get the keys on August 1st!

2005-07-15T13:10:00.000-05:00

I just got a funny little animation sent to me at work, and I wanted to post it, but the blogger wouldn't let it play. Grr... In an effort to not have wasted a good 45minutes fighting with the net for nothing, here's some monkeys instead.

The saga continues

2005-07-14T11:00:00.000-05:00

I've gone to the bank with Sandra. We have joint accounts. We go back on Saturday to complete the transfer, and apply for credit cards. Whohoo! Tomorrow we have another meeting with the real estate agent for the condo. Hopefully we'll have some of the detail problems cleared up. If he says anything remotely like: "well, I don't believe any of that to be a serious concern...", then we're set to get into the place! I just can't wait, this has been so long in the works between Sandra and I that it seemed almost impossible. Even more so, considering the setbacks we've been encountering lately.

Soooo close.

2005-07-11T16:37:00.000-05:00

But, still sooo far... when will it end?! Sandra and I have now expanded our collection of things to put in our place, ... sometime. We have a table and chair set, a dishwasher (not that we'll need it if we get the place we want), two sets of dishes (everyday use and for fancy occasions), two end tables (they need painting), a nice lamp, good sheets and probably a few other things that I'm forgetting. We just picked up a hardwood dresser and bedside table, a TV stand, and a deacon's bench from neighborhood garage sales. Most of it is in good if not perfect condition, and I'm starting to realize that I'll have to be packing up our stuff for the move. I can only just imagine how much crap I've got in Mom's crawlspace. Do you think I'm jumping the gun?

Ass pain...

2005-07-07T12:32:00.000-05:00

Never before have I been such a divisive force in my own work environment. I'm not sure how much of this crap thats flying around is actually my fault, but it so happens that I'm definitely the subject of it. So what's a boy to do... well, this boy's gunna do nothin'. I can't see sticking my neck out as being a great way to help the situation with this person. Quite frankly, I see no problem with ignoring this idiocy outright. The only problem is that the person in question is making working around here majorly emotionally stressful for everybody, and I feel obligated to try to relieve it somehow. Not that I could do anything anyway, but the feeling makes for some nice guilt issues. Then again, if what everyone here says is true, that a transformation of this office is inevitable, then my question must repeat itself:
Do you prefer a difficult transition, or an explosive change?

Sweat

2005-06-30T16:00:00.000-05:00

However much the heat doesn't affect my performance at work, it still sucks. Ok, so I haven't posted in a while. Bite my shiny metal a$$. I am enjoying my life lately, what more can I say? I took a workshop from my company and now am qualified to teach temperament theory. Yay! My fiancee got a contract as an elementary school teacher. Yay! I've been publishing some of my writing online and people like it. Yay! I made a breakthrough with my shrink last week. Yay! I'm putting on weight like no tomorrow, and yes that's a good thing for me. Yay! I like me this week. Not that I don't like me usually, but its fun to say it sometimes. I need to plan a camping trip, like canoeing or something, that's what's next...

Pins & Needles

2005-06-16T15:32:00.000-05:00

Wow, am I ever numb. With the drastic weather changes over the last week and a bit, I've found that I have trouble sleeping. First the heat wave made me adjust to having the temperature in the house fairly high, then the air conditioners went in and I adjusted to sleeping in that. Now with the rain storms, the windows are all open again and I can't get myself to sleep comfortably. I end up asleep on my feet all through the day, even though I've upped my caffeine intake to nearly double safe levels to compensate. I find my mind wandering while I'm still actually discussing a pertinent topic with someone. Oh well, I might find it a pain in the ass, but everyone else must be used to it by now.

Streaker

2005-06-13T12:40:00.000-05:00

Bullox to you folks, but I have priorities that don't enclude this friggen' post machine. I'm not sure if this is just another lul in the personal life but I can't think of anything that I really want to say just now. Much of my time lately has been taken up just trying to exploit my imagination for everything it's been producing of late. Yay for having a fertile mind. I've been writing constantly, not just in one genre either, and I can't see an end in sight. Creative writing I mean. By genre I mean that usually I can't switch project to be able to develop more than one idea at a time. But lately I don't even have to keep it that organized. Maybe I just getting better at stitching the parts of my stories together again after they're ready. I'll get back to posting regularly but I can't promise it'll be as frequent as before.

Goldfish

2005-05-30T10:16:00.000-05:00

As per usual, I have completely forgotten how I ended up here. I make a note, then promptly forget what I wrote, and lose the note thinking it unimportant. Or another great one is when my brain goes completely out of service, for a couple days at a time, and I return to the havoc caused in its absence. Not that my brain does much for me around here, but its crucial for day to day functionality. Another key role is when it tries to help me switch to and from personality modes, like: "get things done" mode, or "interact with family" mode. I mean, I feel that I would be just fine without my brain being around, but for convenience sake, it really keeps me out of trouble sometimes.

Its Over!!

2005-05-26T12:10:00.000-05:00

Star Wars is dead to me. I respect that the new movies did get better as they progressed, and that this third and last installment was the best of the new ones, but it was still only just acceptable as part of the series. What can I say? Not any more nerd crap about Star Wars anyway. But going to the movies with Brian was fun, and the night slowly deflated after that. Kinda my fault, having to get up for a 8:10am dentist checkup. Grrr... The bastard didn't tell me anything I didn't know already anyway, after making me wait like half an hour. Brian is still feeling out of place back on the hill; I won't speak for him but I don't blame him, its a weird situation. I just keep thinking that if he gets the wrong temperature shoulder from the folks back home, is he ever going to come back? Probably just misplaced paranoia. I'll just go back to suspecting that my refrigerator is lurking around the corner, waiting for the right moment to pounce and kill me.

MALBON!!!

2005-05-24T09:52:00.000-05:00

The man is back in town! Brian has returned his long self imposed exile in Fort McMurray! Unfortunately his trip is for the occasion of his grandmother's death. His trip started with being awake for about 48 hours straight through Wednesday and Thursday of last week until he caught his flight to Ottawa, where his grandmother lived. A couple days of awkward conversations with relatives, followed by a five hour drive back to Toronto, and all the time trying to manage how to get around having only until Saturday the 28th to do everything and see everybody while he's back. I hope to have as much fun as I can with them man, but I've gotta' fit his schedule not the other way 'round, and god knows I can be a bit of a pain when it comes to spontaneity. Then again I don't know what he wants to do with his time off, so who knows. I just hope I can help him with anything he needs done while back.
On another note: I had a great time at my family reunion at my Grampa's farm on lake Erie on Sunday, and I'm hurting for my fun. Played soccer with many different munchkins and relatives for a few hours, and then started to seize up. My calves feel like lead weights. I walk around and lift things for a job for Christ sakes?! Today is not going to be fun. Then again I did have a few beers and then ate about three meals worth of food, so maybe I should have seen this coming. Anywho, thats my update, sees' yall' in a couple!

Tireless efforts

2005-05-19T11:01:00.000-05:00

Ok, so wedding planning is something I never even thought about before. I hear tell of some girls planning their fairy tale wedding since like, age twelve or so. But I sure as hell didn't think of it 'till after I bloody proposed to Sandra! No matter how much I search, or how much correspondence I have with venues, I can't seem to make the decision making process any easier! I look forward to the day that I just get to walk around in a tux, letting the day fly by around me. Or that's at least what I've been told its like. So, I continue to, hour after hour, troll through churches, chapels, and reception venues. I, with my somewhat miss-shaped sense of time, still have trouble grasping that I'm not just planning a party for sometime next month. Yet with all the aid I receive, and all the information I'm dragging in, the decisions about what I want for my wedding are still mine to make. No pressure?!

Foooooood!

2005-05-18T09:48:00.000-05:00

Apparently the action of eating played a much more important role to me than I anticipated. I'm aware that being able to consume whatever I believe my body needs is a great aid to providing me fuel, but the ability simply stuff as much in my maw as I desire was key in keeping me happy. Who knew? I had a habit of eating frequently. At work I have a snack when I get there in the morning, another snack about 10:30, lunch around 12:30/1:00, and then if I get the chance something else before I leave at 5:00. If there's extra doughnuts or something around the office, I'll eat those as often as I can. I never realized how much I was eating, yet I never seemed to see any results from this habit either. Many of you are probably thinking "bastard bean pole...", but this observation is not to aggravate you. Consider the miserable feeling I have every time I go to eat over the last few days. I can't chew solid food. As Sandra pointed out, I have had solid food to eat, but I didn't chew. I have taken to actually swallowing most smallish food whole. I feel like some kind of lizard. I would like to point out that being able to shove a mouthful of food into yourself, and then chomp down with vigor, is one very basic pleasure I miss dearly, even if it has been only a few days. Otherwise I am looking a much more healthy shade of green, and my exterior swelling has almost disappeared. Interior swelling has to dissipate in it's own time however, and I must adhere to it's schedule.

Hamster not Chipmunk!

2005-05-17T12:39:00.000-05:00

I live!!! kinda... No solid food for five days. No feeling in my face other than pain for five days. Not being able to completely close my jaw for five days. No wonder I forgot the procedure was happening for three months, my subconscious knew this would suck!
All four of my impacted wisdom teeth were extracted on Thursday the 12th, at 10:30 am. For an hour and a half Dr. Slavkin layered dry sarcastic humor on top of the already heavy drugs, and tore at me with what felt like a belt sander. I have a dreary memory of watching the dental aids wheel at least two carts of bloodied tools and gauze away before the end of my surgery. Much of the discomfort came afterwards however, as I swelled to the size of a rodent going into hibernation. I however, because I'm allergic to Tylonol, didn't get the easy sleep of hibernation, I got Percodan (an addictive codeine narcotic knockoff), which happened to be the fastest way to feeling drunk I've ever experienced.
In the end all I can hope for is being able to get back to ability to close my jaw, which should happen when the swelling around my stitches goes down. Oh, and I am happy to make people smile at how I look as if I were twenty pounds heavier than I am. I have been irritatingly absent from the posting and will make reparations.

Question?

2005-05-05T09:52:00.000-05:00

I hate the morning. How is it that I only seem able to write coherently in the morning? I didn't say I was coherent in the morning (so far from the truth), but just able to write coherently. Why is it that I seem only able to ask myself rhetorical questions? Why so many questions at a time when I seem to be finding more answers than normal? Ok... I give in. Maybe I can't write in the morning. So much is happening around me. I can't keep my focus. I'm scared of all this change. I think I'm scared because I have so much trouble perceiving it relative to my state of mind. State of mind being a relative term. Perhaps right now is not a good time to be reading Douglas Adams books. Thanks for reading.

Without Warning

2005-05-03T13:31:00.000-05:00

As many who read my blog will already know, as they also read Meag's blog, my boss and Meag's mother Denise Hughes had a heart attack. It was a shocking and unforseeable event, and has taken left every one involved reeling. Meag and Neil Hughes are with Denise at York central hospital every moment they can, and were there to see Denise wake up. After many long hours in drug induced unconsciousness, the drugs were removed and Denise woke up. At that time the information conveyed was that Denise seemed not to have suffered any brain damage and was being moved to a lower risk monitoring area. Meagan and Neil are at the hospital now, and carry with them the well wishes of so many of us. Our hearts go out to Denise now; may she have a swift recovery.

Reconciliations made

2005-04-28T13:02:00.000-05:00

I know I over-react sometimes, and I did over the vignette post. I get a little touchy over my writing. I typically don't show any of my creative writing to anyone, as apparently I don't take criticisms of any kind very well either. Thank you to those who did respond. I have for a long while considered setting up a separate blog (without the ability for comments) and only post my writing there. My second thoughts are getting the best of me on that matter though. Much of what I produce when writing is non-linear and without any specific story line. Its mostly a shoe box of "good" ideas, that I can perhaps delve into when I need to piece something together. I've tried to model my many various writing styles after several different authors who I see as having "intelligent" novels. One is linked to from here, look at the 'Canadian Idol' link. My hobbies are for later though, back to wurk for me.

Negative reinforcement

2005-04-27T12:33:00.000-05:00

Sooo... Either no one posts on blogs anymore, or just not the one I put thought into. I finally show some introspection, instead of just narration on my life, and no one even cares to mention their reactions. I wonder what it was that made this a difficult post to comment on? I know that its not my typical writing, but is it that different? Don't worry folks, I get the drift. I'll just go back to whining about my petty, stale, day old problems in the next post. (sarcastic note draws to a close)

Vignette

2005-04-22T11:57:00.000-05:00

Thx meag for helping the monkey spell. Blogspot, your spellchecker sucks.
I was coming into work on the bus this morning. I sit at the back of the bus usually, if its available. Along one of the ajoining benches were two individuals. Two young men, about my age, of (in my opinion) Italian-ish descent. I had my headphones on, but not loud enough that I couldn't hear their conversation. I later realized that it was because they were speaking quite loudly. Which is surprising considering their wide ranging topics, many of which involved decidedly biased points of view. I was playing tetris on my gameboy, which I can do at an almost sub conscious level now.
So, as I appeared otherwise preoccupied, I was able to observe their behavior. ( Yes, I do realize I sound like a nature of things episode.) As the trip continued, the back of the bus became more crowded, but thier tone and choice of words were still not tempered for other's ears. They discussed every thing from the quality of the dope they had smoked last night, to the lack of the government's involment in regulating post-secondary education. They seemed both very similar individuals from outward appearance, but as I listened, I began to understand very signifigant differences. For example: one of them was in physics at UofT, while the other had barely passed high school.
Then I began to witness (for me) the most important differences. The differences between them and myself. I listened as they began to discuss their respective love lives. I began to get a mental picture of how they objectified women. How they believed that everyone should fool around at least once. How they went about trying to expand thier sexual horisons like they were applying tactics to a strategy video game. 'Bit of a shocker for me, I must say. I suppose you could say that I'm a throwback, and that I have traditional views buried beneath my liberal perspective. I prefer to phrase it as Martin Sheen once did in the movie "Catch Me If You Can": 'I know what you are, you're the same as me: you're a romantic. We're nothing without the women in our lives.' I'll be chewing on that one for a while eh?

Runnin' on empty

2005-04-21T12:59:00.000-05:00

I just wanna go home. Monkey is really tired for no reason. Thhhhpt!

Retardo the great posts again!

2005-04-18T11:11:00.000-05:00

Kay, fine, I'm a bastard. But I have priorities. One of them does not happen to be posting all the time. It does help to clear the mind though. I'm a little buzzed on caffine, but I have an excuse: its monday morning. My head is too full of stuff. I keep getting the desire to do something impulsive. Like, I dunno... join a gym or go out and visit Sandra in Kingston without warning her. (don't worry sweetie, I don't think I will) But I don't see any point to these wants, even if I give into them. I know that I won't feel any better for doing the impulsive thing. I keep feeling like I'm living such a pedantic life, but I need to keep it in perspective. I'm getting married in just over a year. I'm moving out to somewhere with my fiance. I'm planning to re-enter the student body, even if only part time. A full life, yet I can't shake the feeling that something is missing. My perspective is always changing, I just can't wait 'till the next shift, 'cause I find this one unnerving. Monkey is perplexed. Or just verbose.

Lulled complacency

2005-04-05T09:17:00.000-05:00

For all that's going on lately, I've been strangely inert. Much of my time is consumed changing mental gears going to and coming home from work, and it seems so little time is left over that I want to spend it doing only things I enjoy. Unfortunately this leaves me feeling that I've wasted the time I have free to do constructive things for myself. Conflicting feelings always make for messy decision making. But not much can be done about it in an active fashion. I will endeavor to spend more time finding things that I enjoy doing, but also can make appear constructive if I am feeling self deprecating. Self analytical rant finsihed. Monkey still isn't getting enough sleep.

Not Insomnia

2005-04-01T00:11:00.000-06:00

The last few nights, being about five nights, I havent been sleeping well. Well, once I get to bed that is. Or trying to get to bed for that matter. I can't seem to get my sleep patterns right. I'm tired all day, then from about 9'oclock on, I'm alert as I could ever want. I can't get to sleep once in bed, then I don't have enough sleep for the next day. Grr.... In the time I've stayed up, I've beaten two Xbox games though. Doesn't make me any less the grouch the next day though. Its the same right now. I know I'm supposed to be tired, but I feel as if there's something I've left un-finished.

What the &%#@?!

2005-03-29T09:33:00.000-06:00

Ok, so I deserve all the flak you want to dish out over leaving the blog to rust for this long, but I'm back. For better or for worse, I will post agian. Probably changing my format agian will be my first action, but we'll see if I can get around that. For what its worth, I'm sorry, and I've missed the monkey too.

Paranoid Android

2005-03-05T10:53:00.000-06:00

OH, my god. Alan Rickman is the voice of Marvin!
~http://hitchhikers.movies.go.com/main.html ~
Ok, go to the site, see the main trailer, then get the larger trailer in whatever format 'cause its a completely different (better) trailer. Why does it always have to be that I get most psyched over movies that arn't coming out for two or three months? My instant gratification is more important than the good movies being spread out evenly over the year. Monkey is apathetic.

Dentist

2005-03-03T11:22:00.000-06:00

"Please EXTINGUISH me!!" -Bilbo Baggins
My face is on fire! I went to the dentist this morning. I get a pre-lim' from a dental surgon about getting my wisdom teeth out (all four are impacted), and he tells me that I have to get it done soon. Turns out to be May 12th. Suddenly my dentist sneaks up behind me and pops the bubble that was making me think that I might get out of there without the actual drilling. Ten minutes later he's got TWO of those big local anesthetic needles in me, and says that they'll have to put another one in. Listen people, I don't mind the dentist; just the needle. I HATE needles. Anyway, Dentist does both the top and bottom molars on my right side. My face is like oatmeal with a little jello mixed in. I'm on the bus going to work after, and my freezing starts to come out. God Damn this hurts! I can't let the two teeth touch each other, just a tap stings like a bitch. Its going to cost a bundle for me to get the wisdom teeth done, but according to my brother, the drugs are worth the money. I want the monkey numb again.

Maslow's Heirachy of Needs

2005-03-02T12:32:00.000-06:00

"Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs:
Modeled in a pyramid, each successively higher level is at least slightly smaller than the one below it. This arrangment makes for a very stable structure. If one level is larger than those below it, the pyramid starts to lose it's balance. Thus over emphasizing a need or emphasizing it at the expence of other levels, creates a peronality imbalance that can be used to generate some interesting villans."-R.Redman, article on the d20Modern website.
Heya folks, just something that caught my eye. This was found in an article giving advice on character writing techniques. I've been doing some reading on how to streamline my writing process. The only thing, is that I didn't see the maslow's personality imbalance as something only for villans or unrealisticly evil people. This is seen in almost any character in any piece of fiction. Motivation for characters can be found in many places but analizing a character usually results in locating some kind of fatal flaw, or overcompensation for lacking one of maslow's specified needs. Not that I've ever been educated on such things, but its been rolling around my brainpan for a while.

Refresher

2005-03-01T08:39:00.000-06:00

BANG!..."I hope they missed.."-Jeremy Irons, offhand comment, the best part of the oscars.
Without sounding like too much of a brat, its not my fault that its been a friggen week since I last posted. Now having said that, I refuse to give any excuses for said absence. Make of that what you will. I have learned a couple of pertenent lessons since last we spoke, but none of them bear reiterating at this juncture. As a result I find that, when so moved, I try to re-explain things to others so that they might understand me better. So if they could see a certain subject from my point of view, it might help them to understand why I don't see it the same way they do. Unfortunately, this effort is more for my benefit than theirs, and more often then not, the person in question simply doesn't care to see things from my point of view. I don't blame them when it's probably true that such empathy requires a fair expendature of energy, which could easily be used more productively elsewhere. This RANT is not in refrence to anyone in particular, so those I interact with frequently may calm themselves.

I'm not goin' home in a bag!

2005-02-22T10:36:00.000-06:00

"Whohoo! I did it! I did it! I'm not goin' home in a bag!" - small green alien
Well, last night I went to my usual appointment with my psychotherapist to get my brain re-shrunk. Except it wasn't my usual kind of session: Sandra came with me. I've got to say, if you ever need a moment of clarity shoved in your ear, do this. Take someone who knows you intimately, brains and brawn, and someone with immense knowledge of the human psyche, and put them in a room together with you being their only connection... My brain feels like its still tied up in knots, I just know why now. Apparently I have a lot more crap influencing my decision making skills than I knew of. Specifically when it comes to matters of the blood pumping organ. That being my heart. What were you thinking? Anywho, the next task on the blog is to find a different comments generator, and make it work, 'cause this one.. uh.. sucks. (ps: I really want a dog)

I hate backblog

2005-02-19T12:27:00.000-06:00

After just spending two fucking hours editing code and trying to reformat the fashion in which my backBlog comments system functions, I have accomplished nothing. The goddamn backBlog site doesn't refresh anything so I have now way of telling if any of my editing accually works. In order to vent my frustrations I'm going to go beat the crap out of small squealing aliens in Halo2. Oh, and may all who read this wish good luck to Sandra with her application today. Or else.

The New Me

2005-02-18T10:20:00.000-06:00

P1:"Who died and made you Captain?!" ... P2:"Captain Bipto!"
Well g'mornin'! This is the new format. Do you like my monster? I have a comments system that is the best of both worlds; its like a tagboard that individual to the post. I like it better than the old system, but it freezes my main page, making it a bit of a problem. I'm looking forward to making more posts. But now I must work or be overwhelmed with orders. The business I work for just opened it's online store, and its making for a higher average of orders per day. No rest for the wicked! >:p

Revelation

2005-02-16T14:44:00.000-06:00

Its come to my attention that I suck at posting on this blog. I've also become aware that the possible reason for my lack of motivation to post, may stem from the fact that I no longer like the blog. In the sense that my frequency of posting has dropped off the map since I changed the look to a new format. So, the obvious assumption would be that due to the fact that I dislike the blog, I don't care to post on it. Therefore I am again going to change the format/appearance of my blog. Unfortunately, that may be difficult to do as I am challenged by a upcoming headache, and the inability to access my album of online photos to add to the format. I hate when websites do "emergency updating" right in the middle of you needing that site. Anyway, grumpy grumble over. Changes pending lack of ambient stupidity.

Friday at Last

2005-02-11T12:54:00.000-06:00

To be honest I never was the type to go around work spouting "t.g.i.f!" but this day I feel the need. I'm divided. Starting the workday by accomplishing a couple great eyesores that needed doing for a while; it rewards the hard work in it's own right. However, now that I've sat down a couple times, I just want to stay sitting. But seeing as there's still work, I know that if I get it done it'll feel good, I just don't want to get my energy back up. Gir... Why can't even the simple things go without a hitch? That being said, Sandra's home for the weekend again, our plans for the next couple days better go well or I may well have a great deal more to complain about.

Today

2005-02-10T13:27:00.000-06:00

Well, it all changed now. I didn't get the format I wanted but this is beginning to grow on me. Like fungus. Perhapts later I'll start playing with the code and see if I can get my tagboard back. In the meantime I have lots of work to do. I have comments now, so say hi to the monkey.

Someday...

2005-02-09T08:16:00.000-06:00

Today I am going to just pick another template for my blog. I will undo all the learning I went through to make my blog funky. I have no problem with this as I expect I will again start messing with the formats. I will enjoy returning to the safety of pre-programed things. Monkey's head hurts.

Pointless

2005-02-04T09:42:00.000-06:00

There, better background, no more eye bleedie. Except that my brother has pinkeye and I hope I don't get it. So his eyes are still bleedie. I have nothing else to say. Go love your monkey.

Emotionality

2005-01-31T13:16:00.000-06:00

How is it that, even if my feelings at the time were legitimate, I cannot justify to myself ever being angry? Without cause or apparent motive, any emotion that surpasses frustration into the range of anger, or even cold rage, automatically has heavy twinges of guilt attached. This has been the case since my youth. According to others (who I deem credible), getting angry every now and again has therapeutic qualities, yet I cannot allow them. As it is, the comments I made in the last post irk me enough that I may yet remove them. But I have not posted since, and in the intervening time many better feelings have made me their happy home. I went down to Kingston to visit Sandra for the weekend, and as per usual, came away wondering why we would ever spend so much time apart. To be honest we didn't do as much, or have as much fun as we would usually when I come down; which is suprising when I went out a day early t'boot. But hey, even one's best laid plans may run astray. With that being said, I think we both enjoyed the time. As per Sandra's blog post, when we went out to dinner the restaurant had fricken' amazing desserts, and the Manhattans weren't watered down. ~;) It was fortuitous that even Eve dropped by and said hello; very cool 'cause she had mentioned about us trying to get together. It seems a Kingston custom that if you eat in the window seat of a restaurant on Princess st, one of your seldom seen friends will see you and say hello. I was once a friend seen out the window! I will miss that small town when it is time to leave. I certainly miss it today. Well I hope this has made up for my blogless weekend.

Trouble in the shop

2005-01-28T13:29:00.000-06:00

Just in case I do end up killing my co-worker Lyle, I'd like everyone to know that I'll be using the due cause defense. He's a moron. Ok, maybe not due cause, but he's an extra annoying selfrightous hypocrite moron, and one that I can no longer stand to live. Sorry to Meag and all of that family tree trunk, but I think you may understand the feeling. Unfortunately I don't have time to make any more apologies for my harsh words, as I leave for Kingston in half an hour. Even the thought of that only makes me a little more calm. Anyway, see 'yall in a bit.

A new beginning

2005-01-26T13:06:00.000-06:00

Here, now 'sall comin' back. I've picked up a new fravorite TV show. It happens to be only one season long, and was cancelled three years ago. Gotta' love syndication. Its called "Firefly", and yes it is a cheesy sci-fi show. Not only is it weird, but the base premise is near stupid: western/future/sci-fi. But it works. Somehow. What I find interesting in my reaction to the show. In that while I consider myself an annoyingly verbose individual, the characters on the show converse in strangely spliced base 19th century cowboy twang, with a few badly pronounced chinese expletives thrown in. After watching an episode, I find myself enjoying picking up the same mode of speech. Does anyone else do that? Like being unable to speak with anything but a cockney accent after watching a BBC drama? Once again I may have said too much.

2005-01-24T08:50:00.000-06:00

Though this completely goes against my usual approach to posting, Ha! I will be the first to post after this week! Well, except for kelly. Anyway, had an ok weekend. Not much to announce, except my contacts from the TRPA (toronto role player's association) have turned out horribly inert. Perhapts the joviality and the lively drunkenness was simply a by product of the meeting. It'll be a good party to go to once a month if that happens to be the case. Or maybe I just got their emails wrong. I must change subjects though, as the gaming was supposed to be just a fertile ground for ideas to write with. I continue to try new reading styles in an attempt to find a new writing style that I can use easily. Maybe I'm asking for too much. Never too much of a good thing.

2005-01-21T10:05:00.000-06:00

Wow...look, he's actually posting! Ok, so I've been remiss from my obligations to post. I can produce enough guilt on my own thanks. I suppose that the blog is to be a mode of communication, but the more talk I have with others, the less time I need to spend blogging to find people to talk to. Everything I have read says to just post weather or not I have anything to write. Well then what do I post?! A writer must always continue to write no matter what the outcome, I hear it everywhere. This is what you get. Yes I'm in a bit of a downer. For no particular reason.

2005-01-18T09:14:00.000-06:00

My Gawd Its Freaken' Freezing! I work in an environment heated my two huge industrial furnaces, and I still can't stay above 18 degrees! Short post, must keep moving. Are people really as oblivious to their sub-conscious motivations as they seem? I suppose I was incorrect to assume that most people were self aware. I see it blatently: their ego sheilds them from reality in order to remain out of contact with thier fractured psyche. Why do I bother with dealing with my crap, if no one else out there does too? Read this dammit. Or at least the bits that you can cope with and make sense of.
http://psyche.cs.monash.edu.au/v7/psyche-7-18-mangan.html

2005-01-17T13:04:00.000-06:00

Well that happend. Its been a while. First the shout out to Eve for plugging my blog, and just for everyone's information, I'm not tired anymore. Just no one mention the caffeine dependancy. Second, I have no idea who's going to be reading the blog now that I've realized that its open to people not on blogger, so uh... Hi! And certainly not least, my Sandra has gone back to the Prison town. Fweee! So not composed with this anymore. The time I spend with her seems such a fraction compared with the rest of the week. I know time is just flying past, but when there's no window to see it, you should be more worried about where you're flying. One thing I can do is just keep myself distracted (yes I know its not hard), Oh! look at the birdy! Speaking of distraction, for anyone interested in sci-fi or cyberpunk, the novel "Altered Carbon" by Richard Morgan is turning out to be very difficult to put down. This is suprising to me since I've never been able to read first person perspective writing before without getting annoyed. Sandra and I read completely different types of books, and I find it interesting to think that our intrests differ so. I'm not promising to post again soon, that way I don't feel obligated and might actually do it soon.

2005-01-13T10:43:00.000-06:00

My gawd we're busy! Hence the short post, but I'll try for later too. I wonder sometimes if I enjoy being on my own too much. I enjoy my space yes, but rarely do you hear of someone enjoying going out alone for a night on the town. Its not that I don't like people (ok, not all people), its just that I can only cope with them for so much of a day. The more I deal with people during the day, the more "alone time" I seem to need later. Weird. I know I'm weird, but I'm trying to achieve eccentric (it means I have more money).

2005-01-12T13:01:00.000-06:00

I believe that at some point in the recent past, I said that I was going to try to keep the wedding from going into planning phase's too early. I would like to officially announce that I have failed in this task. I have just recieved the first of probably quite a few bundles of information from a wedding show. I was supposed to simply transport it to Sandra, but following it were two or three women intent on using it's contents to concoct plans. With the multiple textbook size volumes of wedding magazines spread over my desk, I began to think that perhaps the planning of such an event may prove entertaining. I would see that as the first sign of weakness, and can no longer legitimately claim to be preventing the inevitable. Thanks to all who supported me during this period. I'm sorry, I have joined the dark side.

2005-01-12T07:05:00.000-06:00

How many times in the last day and a half have I said "I'll blog in just a sec"? Only the shadow knows. But now with semi-icy roads, the boss calls and says don't bother coming in 'till after rush hour. How nice, really; but here's the scary part, the first thing that comes into my mind is "what's her real motive for keeping me out of the office first thing?". What the hell is that? I'm barely awake as it is, and the first thought that squeezes into my dented scull is paranoia?! I never could get the hang of tuesdays. My lack of sleep is probably to blame. I hope. Tonight I may try to go to an association for role-players and their associated games, but considering the weather and my current level of brain activity, escapism may decree other actions. Have a dancing Gir 'till the next blog.

2005-01-10T08:42:00.000-06:00

Dude, this totally sucks. Yes I had an awesome weekend. Yes I have to work now. Grr. I'm engaged to the poor woman, and I can't see her. We did calculations on the wedding, and if we let the folks make a wish list, the price tag clocks in at $15 grand'ish. Yipe! Balls. I wonder if Meag can get us a group rate on that elopeing thing. All money wants to go into house for Sandra and me. No more of this jackass "only together on weekends" thing. Kingston is sweet. Beauty town, no dumb residents. Everything is cheap, and the food is great and cheap. But there's also no jobs, unless you feel like driving a cab. Time for Neil to find a way to work online or like by corrispondence or something. Sandra however will get like $30 grand'ish a year, wherever she works; great for teachers. Gotta work now. Hurumph.

2005-01-07T15:54:00.000-06:00

Nerves jangle. Now comes the time of weirdness. I do laundry. I pack. Prepare for my semi-awake journey tomorow morning. With slightly more luck than I believe I have, I may manage to not get on a train to Halifax. I will attempt to remain sane, though I am not sure that I will find support from my family. They are dumb. Being quite tired may aid my staying calm. Or I may just pass out. Sandra will think me quite nuts, but I am once again attempting to make the trip with but one article of luggage. Ha! I did it last time now didn't I? I should manage it even in winter; I did just spend all day shoving stuff in boxes for shipping. Posting will continue.

2005-01-07T01:32:00.000-06:00

Yay! Seizures for everybody!
I hope no one really has a problem with my seizure inducing flashing Gir's... but I doubt they'll stay that way for long anyway. In order to remedy the no comments pages problem, I didn't solve the issue at all and created a tag board instead. Screw you hippies, so what if I can't teach myself html code. I say "With our powers combined...!", Sandra and I can decide not to think any more and go make martinis. Yay for teamwork. Looking forward to the stay with Sandra. I liked Kingston in the summer, let us see if old man winter is as friendly. That way I can tell him he smells like an old person.

Taking your own advice.

2005-01-05T16:41:00.000-06:00

To any one out there that thinks that my earlier post title "if its kinda broke don't fix it" was just a title, it wasn't. It was supposed to be advice, but I since took it upon myself to improve the format of my blog by self-teaching me html code and republishing the whole thing. Not a great plan. I have managed to make a pretty good frankenstien of different blog templates, but cannot for all my efforts apply the comments function to my page. If someone would like to inform me as to how, go ahead; until then, I continue to struggle. The process is also frustrating because this was mostly done from work, as my home computer is so f**ked in the brain that it won't allow logging onto the blog page or my hotmail. Yeargh. more soon.

Am I really healthy enough to survive this?

2005-01-04T14:00:00.000-06:00

Tonight I go to the doctor's. Being that my mother and my doctor are good friends, Doc knows a fair bit about my life, and you'd be right to think thats a good thing. But when Doc has a problem in her life, she seems to think it fit to tell me all about it. Not what I'm looking for in a doctor's appointment. Do I seem callous? Is it deserving? It's not my place to tell her she's ok, and it's her job to tell me if I'm ok or not. Why do I feel guilty for not wanting to listen? I need not to care.
Just to make it better, I have a dentist's appointment less than twenty minutes later. "Bzzzz" in the dentis' chair is the noise most people hate most. All in one night; at least it's over with. I just hope the man with the drill doesn't bear news of wisdom teeth. I'm not wise enough to stay healthy and away from these people. More, later on the Whacked News...

If it's kinda' broke, don't fix it.

2005-01-04T10:23:00.000-06:00

Fortunately my hamster avoided this fate, but not without severe stress from making this blogging thing work. Damn site still doesn't know the correct time zone, however many times I tell it. Hopefully I'll be making more posts and improvements soon.

Who says What now?

2005-01-04T08:31:00.000-06:00

In an effort to maintain my sanity, and my typing skills; I have started this blog. It is also an effort to vent creativity, not to mention give me an excuse to consume more coffee. Ok, so maybe all my reasons for starting a blog arn't particularly justified or even thought through, but I see nothing but good possibilities for this type of expression. I also see this horribly crashing and burning like a wounded albatros as I clog my posts with crap found in my online surfing. But hey, who isn't up for more crap online?
(as a disclaimer, most of my expressions are going to be mostly unedited)